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It’s why I don’t label or judge people and is a big part of my coaching methods.
I used to think differently when I was younger: I had a big ego, I was always trying to be better than everybody else, life was about success or failure.
After all, taking zero responsibility for things is really easy…
But what I learned over the years (and evident from my later relationships) is that BPD isn’t nearly as serious an issue as people make it out to be.
Without the correct mindsets, you’ll just continue to see things in a fixed, narrow-minded view and your relationships will always suffer for it no matter who you date. I was too focused on the relationship and trying to make it better.
I was always reading articles on BPD and trying my best to learn how to date these woman and get them to love me again.
It was one of those types of relationships where you look back and wonder ‘what was I thinking? I don’t see myself as any better than you or anybody else for that matter.This means that you need to spend less time worrying about the relationship and more time worrying about yourself. In my early relationships, I spent all my time trying to learn about BPD and how to make it work. I was going against what I wanted to do with the hope that my absence would draw her closer.So the only reason I would ever give space to my partner was with the hope that it would make my partner be to me. And yeah, this would work at times and my partner would wonder why I was suddenly unresponsive.This is why I constantly talk about what the healthy relationship mindsets are.When you have a poor, weak mindset, you tend to always be trying to gain this ‘closeness’ with your partner.
I refused to look at myself and see what I could change about me that would make it work.